Ewok Hut

I have determined that summer (by that I mean anything not winter) is the worst season ever and should be eliminated from the pantheon of the year. Living in moderately temperate Pennsylvania, which experiences extremes of heat and cold, I cannot imagine how someone in Florida or something can cope with the horror that is summer year-round.

1. Heat. First and foremost, summer is just too damn hot. I’m the type of person that finds it comfortable at 5% humidity at 60 degrees Fahrenheit. Pennsylvania’s average summer temperature at 2452435247852408325742597245o F at 5000% humidity makes for an unhappy, dehydrated Ewok.
2. Humidity. The only thing worse than heat is that godawful saturation of moisture. I don’t mind humidity unless it’s extremely hot (for example I would enjoy living in a produce refer unit). However, this is summer and that means humidity + heat. Bad combination.
3. Thunderstorms. The natural end to humidity is the thunderstorm, that scourge terrorizing the land as if nature wants to give the modern world a jolly “screw you.”
• Electromagnetism. Thunderstorms cause EM interference which wrecks havoc on the phone and cable lines. So, it slows down the internet.
• Turning off electronic devices. Of course you need to do this to prevent your precious equipment from having a higher chance of being fried by a few thousand volts. This can disrupt someone’s whole night.
4. Power outages and brownouts. After a thunderstorm hits it can leave significant infrastructure damage in its wake. This can leave rural residents out of power for days and also leave sub- and urbanites out of power for a period of time. Of course, you also have the majority of American households running air conditioning units which can also drain the powergrid during significant heat spells in godforsaken states such as California.
5. Tornados. Surely the most threatening thing about summer is the tornado. In flat areas warnings and watches occur often in some areas, forcing you to retreat into the basement. The effects of this are similar to deactivating electronic devices during a thunderstorm.
6. Rain. Normally I don’t mind rain. However, in summer, there are only two options - drought and flood. No, there can never be a middle-ground. You’re either being forced off of the highways by rising flash floods or you’re rationing your water due to the arid climate. Even when it rains, it rains hard, and rarely are the effects of such to replenish the water reservoirs, because the fricking water just runs off the land into the oceans.
7. Insects. Centipedes, milipedes, Japanese beetles, stinkbugs, bees, mosquitos and other pests run rampant dominion in summer. These evil creatures come forth from their edifices and hives to wreck terror in your lives. In winter, these hellish beasts either die or go into hibernation.
8. Light. In summer there is an abundance of light. In winter, night sets early. This is why summer sucks. Who hasn’t intended to sleep in ’til 12 PM just to get woken up by the vile rays of ol’ Helios? Sure, you could just close your blinds, but the light still persists! Also, light reflects off of your computer screens, giving you headaches and causing you to resort to drastic measures to prevent the demonic photons from damaging your corneas.
9. Summer vacation. Yes, you heard me right. I despise summer vacation. What bigger interruption of daily life is there than this? Perhaps I’m jaded, seeing as my past summer was spent making up schoolwork due to my being sick for most of May, but it throws you off the status quo, making it harder to re-enter school in three months because you forget the majority of stuff you learned last year.
10. Repetition. Perhaps the worst part of summer is that it will come again in a year. Oh, God, no.

So, with winter near upon us, I say “good riddance” to the abomination of summer.